We walked back into the cafeteria, where we where having the last few minutes of the 6th Grade Girls karaoke Night. We had just had a singing/dance contest.

“Hey, even if we didn’t win, I did accomplish something!” Stich beamed up at me. I smile crookedly back.

“And what was that?” I asked. She smiled back, her grin becoming sly.

“You unleashed your inner girl!” It was true, she had gotten me to wear hot pink feather boas and a tiara for my routine. I laughed mockingly.

“Yeah, once-in-a-life-time thing, that.” I replied, laughing once more.

“We’ll see,” She said, beginning again on how she was going to make me wear makeup to her birthday party. I smiled, Stitch saw right through most things. She probably knew that I liked being girly, that sometimes I wished I wasn’t so much of a tomboy on the surface.

“Not on your life,” I joked back.

But, part of me wished people would remember me like that, not the cold, loner who freaks them out. Instead, the girl who sings, wants to be in a school musical, write a book, have friends, wear a long white sundress, swim with horses, find out who she is, prove her inner beauty, and be beautiful.

I’ve spent too much time and energy walling up this icy facade, this fake persona. And despite it all, I don’t plan on letting those girls who I wish I knew know me. Too much at stake? Maybe, but I don’t even know what’s the risk, only that there appears to be one. An illusion I’ve created, one that hovers outside my tight little shell, because it’s presence is enough to stop me from breaking out.

Yet, my dear friend, Stitch, continues to try to bring me into the groups, to get to know the people I’ve been with since kindergarten. I always shrink back, but, despite my resistance, she never stops trying. Girl, you are a true friend, I’ll start doing my part. Yes, I’m contradicting myself, yes, above I stated I would not, but, too bad. I’m breaking out, beware world, for I will fall for the first time out in the open, and I will get back up.

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